Today is the first time, in my entire life, I feel so alone. I feel like there are a million eyes watching me, following my every movement. And a million sounds of heartbeats that fill the soundless night.
I hear echoes of never ending laughter, and silent screams that only he could ever make. The only ones that I could ever hear. I somehow feel like you are hiding things from me. Despite that smile, I can see a tear behind it. Why is it only I can see it? Why am I the only whom you hide it from? I feel your pain... I know you feel cold... and unwanted at times... I feel that way... Most of the time... But not so... right now...
I have money. Clothes. Expensive things, that you would want. But what's the point of it? When my life is filled with solitude. I feel so lost right now... Like I'm in a void of darkness and you're the only light that is shinning. But no matter how hard and fast I try to run towards that light... It somehow... Feels like it getting farther and farther...
Am I your only reason you breathe or cry? I love you... I really do. And nothing in this world can change that. Having you by my side is the only reason why I can smile everyday and be happy no matter what. Sometimes... Coming back home makes me cry... I'm always alone... And not unneeded. But when I come online, and see you there... I feel somewhat at home... And every pain I have just slips away...
I know Stephen is pissed at me for cutting. And I am truly truly sorry about it. I promise I won't do it again. I don't want you to be mad at me again... AND OMFG ENOUGH WITH THIS EMO SHIT!!
I just wanted to blog about how I felt. And... I feel thankful for having everyone in my life. My friends, family, my awesome gendou family and friends, my fellow cosplayers whose taken time to talk to me and lastly God. Well.. thank you... ^^
I'm going to smile for everyone and for myself from now on... No more tears.. I promise you yat ^^
You have your hand wrapped around my heart.... Please don't hurt it... I'll wait for you no matter what...my "dearly beloved"
