entries.
Confessions of a Broken Heart
Monday, June 21, 2010
~An empty piece of paper is waiting to be filled. Like my heart is waiting for it to be whole. I'm not ashamed of who I have became. I am not ashamed of what I have done. I've never felt so alone and lost before. The past few 7 months was the greatest ever. I had everything to look forward to.~
Now, I keep repeating the same old song. Over and over and over again. And those words "Did you ever love me" sings to me in a haunting way. I honestly do love you. Even if you stabbed a blade so deep into my heart and left a small piece of metal in it. And the saddest part is that... It can't be removed.
5 years I had to deal with this. 5 years is enough to shake even the most strongest person. I am a tower. A tower you built. You carried. You played with. You loved. Now... all that's left of this tower... are rubbles... Cement can't fix me now! XD Omg... I have time to pull off a lame joke.
Someone told me to let everything go. Just let it leave you like the wind. But I've never felt the wind blowing me across my face... for such a long time. I am waiting for the wind... I want to wash away my sins. I want to be my old self. So whole. So loved. So wanted.
Now being with them, seeing them smile. Hurts the most, because I can't smile with them... I can't find my reason to smile. I can't bring myself to let go of anything. Because I am scared. I am scared if I ever did let go of it. Will I be exactly like you? Will I do the same things as you?
I am so scared of being alone. And being left into two. One right, one left. One broken, One empty.
But 7 months... can fix everything... somehow. I don't feel a part of me dying... Not anymore.... :)
I am so happy to have all of my friends that I can talk to. Pet-family who have stuck with me. Consoled me. I just have this sentence to look forward to .....
"my desire to love you forever, to marry you, to make a family with you, to grow old with you, its still strong here."
and I am going to say "me too... <3"
Labels: broken, heart, life, love, someone
kimi. @ [Monday, June 21, 2010]
