entries.
Let the rain fall...
Friday, June 25, 2010
Okies~ Blog time~ This week has been very hollow. Lots of crap has been going on. From parents, to boyfriend, to friends... it never stops right? Someone told me before " if something doesn't make you happy, why stick with it?". Well... I guess that's the point of today's blog. Not everything in life WILL make you happy. You have your ups and downs. Everyone has their flaws, their good side. But you've got to look at the good side. I've been doing things that never do make me happy. Putting on fake smiles just for the sake of the world. I think lots of people have been doing that. No one really knows how much other people are suffering. But when we think about it... every small thing that people do for us, even a small gesture could mean alot. Today, my friend's mom
passed away, because of
cancer. She used to fight with her mom, getting angry, saying her Boyfriend was the only one who understood her. But it wasn't him, it was her mother that was with her when she was crying. Where was her so called
friends? Where was her so called
boyfriend? It was her
mother, who is now gone (May God Bless Your Soul).
We always take other people for granted. We never do make them happy till they are gone. You don't have to force yourself to do things that will make other people happy, or make you feel like you belong. What's the point of doing that, when it'll make you feel bad...
I've lost the mood to write this somehow... when i keep on typing this... I feel somewhat of a reality check. I'm not gonna go around preaching. I'm just gonna be happy being me. Doing what I like. If you can't take it then... too bad. Best not be around me then ^^
i'm like a torn rose, if only you know the damage that you've done to meLabels: rain, smiles, someone
kimi. @ [Friday, June 25, 2010]
Confessions of a Broken Heart
Monday, June 21, 2010
~An empty piece of paper is waiting to be filled. Like my heart is waiting for it to be whole. I'm not ashamed of who I have became. I am not ashamed of what I have done. I've never felt so alone and lost before. The past few 7 months was the greatest ever. I had everything to look forward to.~
Now, I keep repeating the same old song. Over and over and over again. And those words "Did you ever love me" sings to me in a haunting way. I honestly do love you. Even if you stabbed a blade so deep into my heart and left a small piece of metal in it. And the saddest part is that... It can't be removed.
5 years I had to deal with this. 5 years is enough to shake even the most strongest person. I am a tower. A tower you built. You carried. You played with. You loved. Now... all that's left of this tower... are rubbles... Cement can't fix me now! XD Omg... I have time to pull off a lame joke.
Someone told me to let everything go. Just let it leave you like the wind. But I've never felt the wind blowing me across my face... for such a long time. I am waiting for the wind... I want to wash away my sins. I want to be my old self. So whole. So loved. So wanted.
Now being with them, seeing them smile. Hurts the most, because I can't smile with them... I can't find my reason to smile. I can't bring myself to let go of anything. Because I am scared. I am scared if I ever did let go of it. Will I be exactly like you? Will I do the same things as you?
I am so scared of being alone. And being left into two. One right, one left. One broken, One empty.
But 7 months... can fix everything... somehow. I don't feel a part of me dying... Not anymore.... :)
I am so happy to have all of my friends that I can talk to. Pet-family who have stuck with me. Consoled me. I just have this sentence to look forward to .....
"my desire to love you forever, to marry you, to make a family with you, to grow old with you, its still strong here."
and I am going to say "me too... <3"
Labels: broken, heart, life, love, someone
kimi. @ [Monday, June 21, 2010]
